I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize