I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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