also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
