If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
