my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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