I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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