sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Actions speak louder than pants.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize