I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
