This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
