they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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