a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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