my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
