I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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