She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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