yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
