Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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