you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
