Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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