i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
