And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is the high leading the old right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
