FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
