You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
is that a dick in a sweater?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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