smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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