do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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