I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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