I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
