my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize