I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
