He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
