I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
