Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
