Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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