Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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