I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
