I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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