Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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