Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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