We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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