every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
