Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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