I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
