thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
