i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
