Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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