thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
