i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize