I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
