Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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