Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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