drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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