btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
