She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cockslap morals
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
