ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize