New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
