I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
