I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
