The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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