Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
