So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
