in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize