I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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