I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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