Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
