she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i came on her dog
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
