): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize