just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
