I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
