It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize