Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
