so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think my moral compass just broke
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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