How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's like heaven, but drunker
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
