Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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