I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
