you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He did a backflip because drugs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
