I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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