yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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