ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
