your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
