haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
