saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
