hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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