Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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