I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
