i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
