just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize