Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
