They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
