I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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