I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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