Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ttyl tear gas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
