mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
