I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
