Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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