This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm passing your future prison.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
