one might say we're banned from that church
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
